To love yourself is not just a self-esteem boosting piece of advice. It is the prerequisite to truly loving others as well.  Continue reading for further information on developing self-compassion.

Self-Love

Self-love is not just about feeling good or taking time for yourself. It’s a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support your physical, psychological, and spiritual growth. Self-love allows you to accept your weaknesses along with your strengths, and to have compassion for yourself as you strive to find personal meaning and fulfillment.

You might think of your thoughts as reflections of the outside world; you’re actually creating your life with your thoughts. It can be challenging to shift from self-judgment and negativity to compassion and positivity. Fortunately, you can change your body and brain with the thoughts you think, and the words you speak.

Self-love builds out of the thoughts and actions that you choose. This, in turn, will support you emotionally, psychologically, physically, and spiritually. Self-love is a dynamic experience that expands and moves with you as you change, experience life, and grow. Source:  Chopra

Offering Kindness to Yourself 

Begin by offering loving-kindness to yourself in your ordinary form. This is the “you” that you see in the mirror. Imagine yourself as a beloved. See yourself through the eyes of love and offer loving-kindness to this version of yourself. No matter how puny you may feel right now, there are still parts of you that you simply love. See this.

Move on to the view of yourself as a stranger. There are parts of you that you just can’t see, parts that are shrouded and mysterious. Offer loving-kindness to this stranger that is you.

After this, bring to mind yourself as an “enemy.” This does not mean what you dislike about yourself. It refers to the part of you that is most fragile and wounded, and therefore acts in ways that create chaos for you and those in your life. See yourself as this person who is laboring under great confusion. Offer loving-kindness to this version of yourself.

Finally, bring all of these fascinating, beautiful, difficult pieces together and offer loving-kindness to all of you. Source: LionsRoar

Self-Acceptance Practice

In our media oriented culture, it’s easy to get hypercritical about body image. However, if you can accept yourself—even those faulty parts, the not so perfect parts—then you can nurture contentment, calm, and confidence within. Self-acceptance can quiet those self-critical voices inside your head.

My advice is to start the day with a soothing self-hug of self-acceptance. This is an ideal practice for starting or ending your day. A self-hug act as an affirmation and antidote for those times you feel lonely and want to feel safe and cared for… without resorting to unhealthy or emotional eating.

Begin by cupping both your hands gently over your heart. Let your hands be soft and warm as you imagine breathing into the heart center. Now, say the following affirming words: I am loved and I value myself, Because I value myself, I promise to take care of myself, I am strong and resilient, and there are others who care about me and love me, I am thankful for what is in my life and will find resources to help me find someone equally loving and caring to share my life with.

Holding onto this affirmation, raise your hands high above your head. Then slowly lower your hands in a downward sweeping motion that brings your palms past the front of your face, torso, legs, and finally down to the feet. As the hands move over the body, picture your affirmation being absorbed into your whole being. Lastly, cross your arms in front of the chest and put each palm on the opposite shoulder to invite inner hospitality with a self-hug. Hold this hug until you feel soothed, calm, and cared for. Source: TCME

It’s time to treat yourself with the kind of tenderness and understanding that you show others. We hope that this post helped you to learn more about the importance of self-compassion.  Please contact us here if you would like more information.

Contact:
Gina Vanderham Psychotherapy Practice
470 Granville St #830, Vancouver, BC V6C 1V4
Voicemail: (604) 733-7428 | Email: gina@ginavanderham.com

Do you feel stuck in a bad life situation? Below you will find 3 things you can do to help snap out of it.

Change Up Your Daily Routine
As creatures of habit, there’s a tendency to run on autopilot when it comes to accomplishing tasks. If you find yourself stuck, try mixing up your lifestyle. Get up earlier or later, and lengthen or shorten daily routines to make room for different activities. Go for a walk in nature instead of hitting the gym for a high-impact cardio workout. Meditate twice a day for 30 minutes each time instead of once a day for 10 minutes. Switching things up enables you to access different parts of your brain, which can enhance your awareness and increase bursts of creativity. Source: Chopra

Decision Making
The life skill that will make or break you is making good decisions. Consider Goldilocks. She spent a lot of time deciding if a bowl of porridge was too hot, too cold, or just right. She was so obsessed with cooking temperature that she never even considered that breaking and entering is a crime. And breaking and entering a home owned by wild bears? That’s just dumb.
High achievers often focus too far ahead. They work too much, and ignore their families, hobbies, friends, and lives. In this case, they’re so focused on preparing for the future that they’re missing the now. They could have a happy life with their family now. Decisions based solely on the long-term may expose you to too much short-term risk. They can also blind you to noticing that most of what you want, you could already have if you weren’t ignoring the short-term. When you are concentrating solely on the long-term, stop and take a look at the short-term and the present. You may already be able to get what you want. And make sure you have a short-term survival plan that will tide you over until the long-term arrives. That’s survival in every sense—financial, physical, social, and emotional.
When making a decision, you want to be like Goldilocks: consider the decision using a timeframe that’s very short. Then reconsider with a timeframe that’s very long. Using that information, consider a third time, with a timeframe that’s just right. Then you’ll know if you want to have a contingency plan for the long term, a survival plan for the short term, or whether your time horizon is Just Right. Source: QuickAndDirtyTips

Enlightenment
Enlightenment is transpersonal. For Western­ers especially, it’s important to keep remembering that awakening is something different from the projects of self-improvement and self-actualiza­tion we’re used to; it’s not about being a better self but about discovering our true self, which is another thing entirely. One of the puzzlements of the Way is that some people can seem to have substantial, even operatic, openings and still behave like jerks. This is important because it speaks to the nature of awakening: having an enlightening revelation isn’t the same thing as being enlightened; we have to let the revelation stain and dye us completely, in the exact midst of our everyday lives. We have to let life teach us how to embody the revelation. Source: LionsRoar

We hope this article helps you get unstuck. For a therapist to help guide you, contact Gina here:

Contact:
Gina Vanderham Psychotherapy Practice
470 Granville St #830, Vancouver, BC V6C 1V4
Voicemail: (604) 733-7428 | Email: gina@ginavanderham.com

Being happy will help you make the life you love. Below you will find 3 tips on how to improve happiness.

Forgiveness
Human forgiveness may be understood as the act of letting go of negative emotions, and the challenge for most, if not all of us, is how to do that.  It can be difficult to find compassion for someone who has wronged us in some way; depending on the offence, it can be nearly impossible. There are shades of grey when it comes to forgiving, yet succeeding in doing so brings great benefits to the sufferer.
Why is it so important to practice forgiveness, or at the very least, engage in its possibilities?  Engaging in forgiveness frees us from the toxic emotions that accompany grudges and bitterness. In fact, it is in our own interest—our happiness and inner peace—that we forgive. Source: AAMFT

Growing Together
We have to learn the art of creating happiness. If during your childhood, you saw your parents do things that created happiness in the family, you already know what to do. But many of us didn’t have these role models and don’t know what to do. The problem is not one of being wrong or right, but one of being more or less skillful. Living together is an art. Even with a lot of goodwill, you can still make the other person very unhappy. The substance of the art of making others happy is mindfulness. When you are mindful, you are more artful. If the other person is happy, you are also happy. Happiness is not an individual matter.
You have two gardens: your own garden and that of your beloved. First, you have to take care of your own garden and master the art of gardening. In each one of us there are flowers and there is also garbage. The garbage is the anger, fear, discrimination, and jealousy within us. If you water the garbage, you will strengthen the negative seeds. If you water the flowers of compassion, understanding, and love, you will strengthen the positive seeds. What you grow is up to you. Source: LionsRoar

Follow an Anti-Inflammatory Diet
Normally, inflammation occurs in response to injury and attack by germs. It’s marked by local heat, redness, swelling, and pain, and is the body’s way of getting more nourishment and more immune activity to the affected area. But inflammation also has destructive potential. We see this when the immune system mistakenly attacks normal tissues in such autoimmune diseases as type-1 diabetes, rheumatoid arthritis, and lupus. Excessive inflammation also plays a causative role in heart disease, Alzheimer’s, and Parkinson’s diseases, as well as other age-related disorders, including some cancers. More recent research indicates that inappropriate inflammation may also underlie depression. Controlling it is key to both physical and mental health.
Perhaps the most powerful way to control inflammation is via diet. My anti-inflammatory diet consists of whole, unprocessed foods that are especially selected to reduce inappropriate inflammation, as well as provide abundant vitamins, minerals, and fiber. It consists of fruits and vegetables, fatty cold-water fish, healthy whole grains, olive oil, and other foods that have been shown to help keep inflammation in check. Source: Chopra

If you want your everyday life to be happy, try these tips. For more information please contact us here.

Contact
Gina Vanderham Psychotherapy Practice
470 Granville St #830
Vancouver, BC V6C 1V4
(604) 733-7428

Every person should take special care of their body.  It’s important as everyone only gets one body in their lifetime.  This post considers 3 practices we can use daily.

Self-Acceptance Practice – In our media oriented culture, it’s easy to get hypercritical about body image. However, if you can accept yourself—even those faulty parts, the not so perfect parts—then you can nurture contentment, calm, and confidence within. Self-acceptance can quiet those self-critical voices inside your head.
My advice is to start the day with a soothing self-hug of self-acceptance. This is an ideal practice for starting or ending your day. A self-hug act as an affirmation and antidote for those times you feel lonely and want to feel safe and cared for… without resorting to unhealthy or emotional eating.
Begin by cupping both your hands gently over your heart. Let your hands be soft and warm as you imagine breathing into the heart center. Now, say the following affirming words:

• I am loved and I value myself.
• Because I value myself, I promise to take care of myself.
• I am strong and resilient, and there are others who care about me and love me.
• I am thankful for what is in my life and will find resources to help me find someone equally loving and caring to share my life with.

Holding onto this affirmation, raise your hands high above your head. Then slowly lower your hands in a downward sweeping motion that brings your palms past the front of your face, torso, legs, and finally down to the feet. As the hands move over the body, picture your affirmation being absorbed into your whole being. Lastly, cross your arms in front of the chest and put each palm on the opposite shoulder to invite inner hospitality with a self-hug. Hold this hug until you feel soothed, calm, and cared for. Source: TheCenterForMindfulEating

Self-Care – With the high level of stress that sometimes comes with working, selfcare needs to be of primary importance to mental health workers. If we fail to care for ourselves, we will lack the state of health to take care of others or the tasks we need to accomplish. If you take some time to reflect on how you care for yourself, you may recognize there is a problem. Some helping professionals work long hours, averaging 60 hours per week, perhaps not spending quality time with family and friends, or participating in social activities. Relaxation is another practice that can be beneficial to service professionals. Workers can be deliberate about taking time to relax by spending a few minutes each day to pause and reflect on the things that they appreciate about their life. Service professionals can spend time in nature listening to the melodious sounds of birds while processing thoughts and emotions that accompany the experience. They may spend some time each week outdoors admiring the beauty in nature. Singing and listening to music can also be a wonderful way of capturing and expressing thoughts and feelings concerning the experience of spending time in nature. Source: AAMFT

Treat Yourself to Yoga – Yoga is another timeless practice for nurturing and connecting to your body, mind, and spirit. Here are just a few of the healing benefits yoga offers:

• Relief from stress. As scientific studies have found, yoga lowers heart rates, reduces blood pressure, and decreases the production of stress hormones such as cortisol. High levels of cortisol are linked to depression, osteoporosis, and abdominal weight gain.

• Stronger immune function. The practice of yoga poses (asanas) improves the flow of the lymphatic system, responsible for fighting infection and releasing toxins from the body.

• Increased flexibility and balance. Yoga helps release tight muscles and increase range of motion. Even those who claim to be “genetically inflexible” are surprised to find how much more limber they can become through a regular yoga practice. Yoga also deepens your awareness of your body, allowing you to improve your balance and posture
• Greater strength. Yoga is a powerful strength-building exercise for every part of the body, including the muscles of your core, back, legs, chest, and arms. This helps prevent problems such as back pain and arthritis. As you strengthen your body, you also build your inner strength, discipline, and self-confidence.

• Improved mood. Yoga balances the central nervous system and endocrine system and stimulates the release of endorphins – natural mood-elevating neurochemicals. As you practice, your mind relaxes and you’re able to stop dwelling on stressful thoughts and situations. Source: Chopra

If you`d like more information on how to love and care for your body contact us here.

Contact:
Gina Vanderham Psychotherapy Practice
470 Granville St #830
Vancouver, BC V6C 1V4
(604) 733-7428

A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life. Good relationships improve all aspects of your life, strengthening your health, your mind, and your connections with others. Here are 3 ways to keep love in your life.

Create Momentum
We can expand love in our life through the power of momentum, taking small steps that build our energy and enthusiasm.  Once we set it in motion, momentum can be an amazing and abundant force for change in our life. How do we get the momentum we need for change that lasts, that inspires and that infuses every day with purpose? We begin today.
Things don’t just happen all at once, they happen gradually. And they progress at an increasing rate as we continue to take steps in the direction of our goals and dreams. We build momentum, and that momentum ultimately takes on a life of its own. It is easier to move if you are already in motion than if you are standing still. Even if you discover that you’re going in the wrong direction, it’s easier to shift course and redirect your flow of energy than to start from scratch.  Also remember that it doesn’t matter where you start; all that matters is that you start. Source: Chopra

Exertion
The Buddhist view of exertion provides a few clues. Rather than implying drudgery, exertion is synonymous with joy. It’s not about working hard to make problems go away or trying your very best to make an effort at all times. It is so much simpler than that. Here, exertion is the noble act of taking an interest. When you get along, you take an interest in that. When you don’t, you take an interest in that, too. You take an interest when you are able to connect with your beloved openly, gracefully, and easily, and also when you connect to them with grumpiness, stupidity, and a sense of entitlement. Taking an interest is not about reductive analysis or figuring out what is going on so you can dispatch it. It is a way of opening to your own experience—and to your beloved—with tenderness and honesty. It is the act of continuously disposing of your agenda to instead live your experience fully, which gives rise to vitality, energy, and joy. Source: LionsRoar

Attachment
Adult intimate relationships can be understood through attachment theory, which has been researched and validated in a number of research studies over the last few decades. John Bowlby, an English psychiatrist, observed as early as 1958 that human beings are biologically wired to seek and maintain a few intimate relationships. He asserted that our need to connect begins at birth and continues throughout life, and as adults, we continue to need a special someone who will be emotionally accessible and responsive to us. Most importantly, attachment theory helps us understand how to create a secure relationship, how a love relationship can become distressed, and what interventions can help a troubled partnership. Source: AAMFT

Take these tips in order to experience a strong relationship. For more tips and advice call us.

Contact:
Gina Vanderham Psychotherapy Practice
470 Granville St #830
Vancouver, BC V6C 1V4
(604) 733-7428

Are you feeling like you need to make a change in your life for the better?  Are you feeling overwhelmed with where to start and what to do?  Continue reading to learn about 5 tips for how to make a big positive change in your life.

Start Small
Whatever it is you want to achieve, break it down into the smallest possible actions. Don’t begin a running program by attempting to run 5 miles the first day. Just start by putting on your shoes and getting out the door and run for 5 minutes. Make it profoundly easy to accomplish your new action at the beginning. Do this for several days before increasing your time. Build up to your optimum time for your new behavior very slowly over a period of weeks. Source: LiveBoldandBloom

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone
Some people are more prone than others to get stuck in the comfort of routine and familiarity. Regardless of your inhibitions or fears of change, humans need variety to be happy. You should practice this on a small scale on a daily basis as well as on a larger scale.

• Try to do something you’ve never done every single day. Go to a show you’ve never been to, talk to a new person, eat something new, and so on. You never know when you’ll discover something or somebody who will end up making a life-changing impact on you.

• Pick up a new hobby or travel to a new place. If you play an instrument or a sport of any kind, push yourself above and beyond what you would normally do. Run that extra mile, take a different trail when hiking, and explore new artistic styles. Source: WikiHow

Reconnect With People
Turn off your social media for a week and insert a “no text message” policy. People think they know everything that’s going on in your life because they see what you post on Facebook or Twitter — so they rarely call to see how you’re doing or even ask when they bump into you in person. Spend a week dialing phone numbers of people you haven’t see in a while or heard their voice. Say you’re calling for no reason other than to see how they are really doing. Source: HuffingtonPost

Let Go of a Grudge
Un-forgiveness is like drinking poison hoping the other person will die. It is only hurting ourselves and chances are the other person probably has long forgotten the wrongdoing. You don’t have to speak to them, you can write a letter and not mail it. It is a way to release something that is sucking energy from us. Source: InvigoratedSolutions

Let Go of Limiting Beliefs
“[M]any people believe deep down that they are limited in ways they are not,” This can prevent people from pursuing positive changes in the first place.  For instance, he worked with a young woman who believed she wasn’t smart enough to earn a college degree because of her poor grades in high school. She realized that those low grades were actually more of “a reflection of a lack of effort and commitment than her capacity to learn.”  Relinquishing that false belief helped her refocus on her education.  Identifying your personal limiting beliefs can be tricky. “[Yo]u have to think about how you think about yourself … If you experience a great deal of difficulty doing so, a brief course of therapy would help rather quickly.” Source: PsychCentral

Hopefully, these tips will help you to start making a positive change in your life. If you`d like more information about life-changing ideas as well as counselling services contact us here.

Contact
Gina Vanderham Psychotherapy Practice
470 Granville St #830
Vancouver, BC V6C 1V4
(604) 733-7428