Category: Couples

3 Things To Do For Relationship Building

If you and your partner are struggling and need help to rebuild your relationship, this article will provide 3 things you might want to consider.

Relationship Therapy – Given a willingness to work on a marriage, most people can make their marriages satisfying again. No one begins as a perfect partner. Marriage depends on a number of skills, such as being able to understand yourself, understand your partner, fight well, problem solve, and negotiate differences. Sometimes patterns we learned in our families growing up aren’t effective, but are carried over to a marriage. And sometimes the stresses of life make it difficult to stay happily married.

Partly, marital therapy is about partners working to see each other as people, to understand where they are coming from, and to negotiate those differences that can be negotiated and accept those differences that cannot. If you have a marital problem, call a couple therapist and make an appointment

Finding a couple therapist is easy, but use caution. Be sure the person has specific experience in couple therapy, as marriage and family therapists do. Beginning couple therapy is not easy. For most people, it’s hard to begin to share with a person you don’t know about marital difficulties, and it’s hard not to be discouraged as you argue about these issues at first in front of a therapist. Couples with marital distress are often discouraged and have trouble believing that couple therapy can help. But couples who begin marital therapy begin to create a process for overcoming their difficulties. Sometimes the resolution of problems happens very quickly, though more typically a longer period is needed. For most, it’s hard to work on these problems at first, but ultimately that becomes easier and problems are resolved. Source: AAMFT

Be Kind with Your Speech – Sometimes it’s not what we say but, rather, how we say things. Take a moment to really consider what your partner is going through and speak to them with loving kindness. Consider a time when you were going through something similar and see how you might support your partner in a way that would have felt good for you in your own time of need. If what they are experiencing is affecting you in a negative way, you may want to contemplate what you’re feeling inclined to say to them before doing so. Run your communication through these questions in your mind prior to verbalizing it: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind? Do I want to be right or do I want to have peace? . Source: Chopra

Relationship as Koan – Every human being with whom we seek relatedness is a koan, that is to say, an impossibility. There is no formula for getting along with a human being. No technique will achieve relatedness. I am impossible to get along with; so is each one of you; all our friends are impossible; the members of our families are impossible. How then shall we get along with them? … If you are seeking a real encounter, then you must confront the koan represented by the other person. The koan is an invitation to enter into reality. In the end, to love another requires dropping all our narcissistic agendas, movies, hopes, and fears, so that we may look freshly and see “the raw other, the sacred other,” just as he or she is.

In relationship, it is two partners’ greater beings, gradually freeing themselves from the prison of conditioned patterns, that bring about this decisive defeat. And as this starts reverberating through their relationship, old expectations finally give way, old movies stop running, and a much larger acceptance than they believed possible can start opening up between them. As they become willing to face and embrace whatever stands between them—old relational wounds from the past, personal pathologies, difficulties hearing and understanding each other, different values and sensitivities—all in the name of loving and letting be, they are invited to “enter into reality.” Then it becomes possible to start encountering each other nakedly, in the open field of nowness, fresh and unfabricated, the field of love forever vibrating with unimagined possibilities. Source: LionsRoar

Use these tips above to begin building and strengthening your relationship right away. If you have any questions, contact us here.

Contact:
Gina Vanderham Psychotherapy Practice
470 Granville St #830
Vancouver, BC V6C 1V4
(604) 733-7428

 

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5 Free Date Ideas

Thinking of new and exciting date ideas can be difficult and expensive. But what is there to do when your wallet is already stretched too thin?

Read below to learn about 5 ideas for fun and free dates.

Watch The Sun Set…Then Go Stargazing
How long has it been since you’ve watched the sun set? Or laid back and peered up at the stars? Stargazing is an uber-romantic activity for two (even the word itself is synonymous with swooning), whether you have binoculars or not (but if you do have them, even better). Pick a clear evening to snuggle in the grass in your yard or a local park — or to lie on your roof with blankets and pillows. Google and download a guide to the constellations, and — once the sun sets — make a game out of identifying them. Keep an eye out for shooting stars! Source: TheNest

Go To a Gallery Opening
All over the country, art galleries collaborate on special monthly events that don’t charge admission, such as art walks on the first Friday or third Thursday of every month. These events are superb, low-cost dates because you get to look cultured and sometimes free food is served. Some art walk events feature musicians performing for free as well. Source: HuffingtonPost

Take A Bubble Bath
What’s the point of having a big bathtub if you’re not going to use it? Light some candles, turn on soft music and take a dip in your own bathroom. Not only will a bath relax you and your hubby, it’s also an excellent time to catch up on intimate conversation in your otherwise busy lives. As the weather warms up, a mild bath is also the perfect way to soothe summer skin problems, such as sun rash, bug bites and dry skin. Source: RedBookMag

Go On a Bike Ride
This is a great way to get in some exercise while having fun. Look for cool paths around your town and explore new areas—in tandem! Source: Shape

Video Game Marathon
A couple that games together stays together! There are plenty of co-op games that couples can enjoy together – whether it be something tame like Lego Lord of the Rings; or something more hardcore, like Call of Duty. Or if you’re not overly competitive, racing and fighting games can be really fun too. You’d be surprised how the hours can melt away behind a controller or a keyboard. Source: Lifehack

We hope that this article has helped you with coming up with some free date ideas. Have fun on your date!

Contact
Gina Vanderham Psychotherapy Practice
470 Granville St #830
Vancouver, BC V6C 1V4
(604) 733-7428

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4 Tips on How to Keep a Relationship Strong

Are you searching for help on how to keep a relationship strong?

This post provides information about 4 helpful tips on how to keep a relationship strong, including: staying involved, talking openly, scheduling “me” time, and appreciating each other.

Staying Involved
Some relationships get stuck in peaceful coexistence, but without truly relating to each other and working together. While it may seem stable on the surface, lack of involvement and communication increases distance. When you need to talk about something important, the connection and understanding may no longer be there. Source: HelpGuide

Talking Openly
Communication is a key piece of healthy relationships. Healthy couples make time to check in with one another on a regular basis. Try to spend a few minutes each day discussing deeper or more personal subjects to stay connected to your partner over the long term. Source: APA

Scheduling “Me” Time
“Every relationship needs ‘no-relationship’ time. You work all day, so when you get home you feel like you have to be with your partner for the rest of the night. No good. Let him work in the garage or play video games while you do yoga or watch the show you DVRed two weeks ago. Have an hour of ‘me’ time every day. Source: Glamour

Appreciating Each Other
Often, we forget to let other people in our lives know that we appreciate them. We think it, but we don’t remember to show it. This occurs in our romantic relationships as well. Show your special someone that you love him or her. This could be done with words, cards, flowers, acts of kindness, or more. Remember, a flower a day keeps the fights at bay. Okay, maybe not every day, but you get the point. Source: Bustle

We hope that this post helped you gain some insight into how to keep a relationship strong. If you would like to get more information, please give us a call or contact us here.

Contact:
Gina Vanderham Psychotherapy Practice
470 Granville St #830
Vancouver, BC V6C 1V4
(604) 733-7428

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Couples: Stress in Marriage – Help in a Toolkit

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Your drains are plugged up tight, and the serviceman hauls out his plumber’s snake.

The belt on your washing machine has gone and the repairman gets out his wrench and a new belt.

How about stress in your marriage? What do you do when things go wrong? Well there’s some gear in the toolbox for that too. Continue reading »

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3 Barriers To Healthy Communication In Marriage

3 Barriers To Healthy Communication In Marriage

How a Vancouver Marriage Counsellor Can Help

When healthy communication skills are present in a marriage, what you will usually find is a couple who knows how to weather any storm or challenge that might come their way. That’s because communication is one of the key ingredients that holds a marriage together. However, for many couples, it seems as though there are barriers to communication at every turn. Perhaps you can relate. Without good communication skills, it’s easy for the marriage relationship to break down. Continue reading »

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